It would appear that news about penises has been thrusting up all over the place. So I thought I’d gather all the peen up into one throbbing post for your cock-loving edification. And post a gratuitous erect dick pic because I can.
* Too much Viagra leads to near-amputation of penis. A Colombian took an overdose of Viagra, resulting in emergency surgery on his swollen member.
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He wanted to impress his wife, so he took far more of the blue pills than recommended. He had an erection for several days before he sought medical attention.
Doctors say that his penis was inflamed, fractured, and infected with gangrene. The mangled member required invasive surgery in order to keep gangrene from spreading to the rest of his body.
The Examiner has run with the story and published a piece on priapism and penis amputation cases. Just in case you wanted to think about it some more.
* A study into amputated penises has won an Ignobel prize.
The penis took home the Public Health Prize. A team from Thailand received this award for the medical techniques they described in the report “Surgical Management of an Epidemic of Penile Amputations in Siam.” Apparently, the team recommends these techniques except when the amputated penis had been partially devoured by a duck.
* Long distance runner uses fake penis to dodge drug test. An Italian long-distance runner used a device called The Whizzinator to provide clean urine to drug testers after a 10km run. He’s since been called to disciplinary meetings. The Whizzinator is designed to help avoid drug tests in US workplaces.
* Smoking causes penis shrinkage. If you smoke and you’re a bloke, here’s another great reason to quit.
Studies have shown that much like smoking constricts blood vessels to the heart, it can also do the same to the blood vessels of the penis. Over time, elasticity is compromised as is the possibility for achieving an erection. According to research, smoking can shorten the penis by as much as an entire centimeter, which may not sound like a lot – unless its your penis.
* Penis map of the world. If you want to compare the size of penises according to country, someone has helpfully created a map for you. The Huffington Post reports that the top of South America is where you’ll find the big-uns.
* And in penis-biting news… a UK man was found guilty of biting the penis of his neighbour after an XBox-related argument. Meanwhile, an Australian rugby league player has been suspended after allegedly biting an opponent on the penis. He said:
I was wearing a mouthguard and there’s no way I bit him on the dick.
And phew. Fork finally removed from 70 year old Aussie’s penis.
It took a team of three doctors 12 hours to retrieve the utensil. Fortunately for the senior, he suffered no long-term damage and was send home after the procedure.
The doctors warned horny and adventurous males who insist on trying to insert object in their orifices to achieve sexual gratification that “urological consequences of this type of behavior can be significant and the implications for patients can be serious, including death from sepsis.”