[flashvideo file=”video/labyrinth.flv” /]
In 2005 I wrote about my love of the film Labyrinth. I also re-discovered the wonder that is David Bowie’s crotch.
If you haven’t seen Labyrinth, it’s basically a fantasy film created for young adults by Jim Henson (may peace be on his name). It’s got a lot of muppets, puppets and humour. It’s also chock full of sexual tension between Jennifer Connolly’s female protagonist and the evil Goblin King Jareth, played by David Bowie. And Bowie wears very tight tights throughout the film, giving multiple opportunities to admire his nether regions in all their outlined glory.
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Fans of the film all have their special opinions about The Crotch. Some find it distracting but I’m with the ones who enjoy their fantasy spiced up with a lot of genital ogling.
And thus it is that I hired out the film recently and went a little beserk with my editing software. Thus I give to you the full compilation of The Crotch from every scene where it makes an appearance. Even the closeups. Especially the closeups.
I’m pleased to say the website devoted to David Bowie’s Area is still up and running.
Step One: Watch the movie Labyrinth. On the big screen if you get the chance. Pay extra-special attention to the “Dance, Magic Dance” scene and the part right after the oubliette, where Hoggle gives Jareth head. The camera seems magically drawn to David Bowie’s Area. There are even scenes when the bulge in Jareth’s tights is the only thing that’s fully in focus. Repeated viewings of Labyrinth will help aclimatize you with Bowie’s Area.
Step Two: Watch Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars.
And it’s also good to know the film is still offending fundamentalist Christian nutjobs with it’s sexual immorality:
# innuendo of intercourse with “no love injection” in song, twice
# ghosting of male anatomy through thin clothing, repeatedly
# camera angle to force viewer on private parts, twice
Whatever you do folks, don’t let your kids watch Labyrinth. They’re bound to turn out just like me.
Edit: I realise the video is kinda small thanks to the impressive aspect ratio of the film. I actually went back in and re-edited with zoomed-in shots but, wouldn’t ya know it, the soundtrack went screwy and I can’t fix it. Suddenly I’ve got Davie Bowie and His Crotch in Spanish. Which I will post if I get enough comments clamouring for it.
I was fifteen when Labyrinth came was released. My sister and I saw it twice ( back-to-back) that same night. The first time we wanted to see it because it was Bowie! The second time was Bowies crotch! That was the summer I fell for Bowie and became a un-controlable horny teen :^) and a masterful crotch watcher all thanks to David Bowies tights and Axel Rose hair-do. Ps. I still have the VHS tape of Labyrinth
Bwahahahaha!