Eurovision Needs More Leather Pants

I watched the final of the Eurovision song contest last night and all the songs I liked didn’t do very well. I was so relieved and happy to hear the UK’s Hot Chocolate disco song because it wasn’t yet another boy band… but it came last. Denmark had a happy-go-lucky song that was very likeable and I also enjoyed the whimsy of the French song with its female singers wearing fake beards.

Amid all the polished male singers and backing dancers, Finland’s Teräsbetoni (above) just went out there and rocked. Their over-the-top brand of power metal made a nice change from the plastic pop. And it made me remember just how much I like men in leather pants.


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I guess I’ve got a thing for the old heavy metal cliche. I find men with guitars and flowing long hair and manly wide stances and vambraces on their forearms and tight, tight leather pants to be rather sexy. Leather pants are still all about being tough and rebellious and showing that you’ve got an armadillo in your trousers, a la Derek Smalls, and I’m just a complete sucker for it.

A man doesn’t even need a shirt when he’s wearing leather pants, because he’s just too manly for mere clothing and because the sheer force of his pants more than makes up for it. He can fight off wolves and then go and brood in a dark corner because he’s so very mysterious and strangely poetic. Jim Morrison and Iggy Pop and Michael Hutchence and Mad Max wore leather pants. I don’t doubt that Eurovision would have more gravitas if the costume designers went for a little more leather.

Finland’s leather pants act also evened up the perve quota just a little because most of the female singers were in short, revealing dresses.

The Russians won, thanks to the weird political voting that didn’t seem to take the songs into account at all. Indeed, all of the songs in the top 5 were fairly standard and uninspiring. The only thing of interest about Russia’s act was the figure skater. I realised when I saw him in close up that it’s Evgeny Plushenko, the figure skater whose most famous act is the Sex Bomb male stripper routine, which I’ve posted here before.