The Butt Plug Coffee Tamper

This delightful stainless steel work of art is NOT a sex toy.

It is, in fact, a coffee tamper made by Avanti and available for about ten bucks or so from your average kitchenwares shop. Like this one.

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The other day my husband arrived home wielding this wonderful thing, keen to get his espresso coffee thoroughly stamped into place, always aiming for the perfect crema. I swear, he and that coffee machine are having some kind of relationship.

Anyway, I took one look at it and got the giggles. When you’re a pornographer, it’s hard not to have a dirty mind. It’s like the way I can never type the word “six” without hitting the backspace.

I also started coming up with wild and evil schemes that involved me selling coffee tampers as butt plugs and making a fortune. Your average stainless steel anal sex toy comes in at around $100 or so. I could flog these off for $30 and be rich, rich, rich hahahaaaaa.

Of course, it’s not designed for the purpose of pleasuring your butt and the flange/tamper bit on the bottom is actually quite heavy, so there’s no way you could wear this around. Still, it’s better than a carrot.

And you can always enjoy a perfectly made espresso after all that butt play.