The ever-fabulous All Men Are Liars column has a great post today about the male experience of being caught masturbating (complete with hilariously apt photo that I just had to include here).
Another of our mates, the Black Rat, liked to stretch himself out on the cool tiles of the bathroom on hot summer days and was hard at work when one of his mother’s P&C friends popped in to use the crapper, finding him spead-eagle, naked, and as tense as a Grand Final.
Too funny.
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And then I started to muse that being caught masturbating is a distinctly male experience. I did a bit of googling and was hard-pressed to come up with any discussions or stories of girls getting sprung while fiddling the bean. Of course, it’s a major theme in porn – “Hot slut wives caught masturbating!” – but I suspect in real life it doesn’t happen often. Perhaps it’s because, for teen girls, a bit of clit stroking is easily achieved beneath the covers in bed. If you do get caught, it’s pretty easy to hold still and feign sleep.
Whereas guys have the issue of ejaculation to deal with meaning that bathrooms are the best spot for jerking off. And, judging by the stories in Sam’s post, teen boys seem to want to wank everywhere and anywhere, significantly raising the chances of getting sprung.
That’s not to say girls don’t ever get caught – I did find a few tales of surprised friends and relatives here and there. Also some horror stories of Christian retribution inflicted on those who dared to touch themselves “down there.”
Hopefully the teens of today have it much easier than in the past. I think most parents know now what all those excessively long showers are about and do their best to knock on doors.