I recently wrote up a review of Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women for For The Girls.
I had a bit of a love-hate relationship with this movie. I loved the emphasis on female pleasure, the real female orgasms, the slow, careful and correct approach to anal sex, and Tristan herself, who is so cheerfully educational about her chosen subject.
I hated John Stagliano. I just wanted him to shut the fuck up. This man’s camerawork and heavy breathing pissed me off SO much, especially when he didn’t have the courtesy to keep the camera on his female star’s face when Tristan was interviewing them. Instead he’s sticking the lens up their pussy and talking shit so I couldn’t hear the interesting things the girls were saying.
The man is like a 15 year old peeking into a girl’s locker room. Which may be fine for all those low-IQ raincoaters who think the same way, but it’s not what you want in a movie aimed at women.
GRRRR.
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Anyway, here’s some of my review notes that I made while watching the film.
“There’s only one camera – which is annoying because I want to see Nina Hartley’s face, not just her ass.”
“The Buttman commentary is definitely offputting. It’s a man behind the camera, looking at things a man wants to look at. e.g. when he pulls Jewel’s boob out… it had the whole ‘I’m in a porn movie and I can make girls take their boobs out’ vibe, kind of creepy.”
“My God, this Nacho guy has a huge dick. He says ‘I love your pussy and your arse.’ Nice.”
“Ew, now it’s gone into dildo deep throating, that looks so horrible.”
“This scene goes on a long time… I’m surprised her bum hasn’t gone completely floppy by now.”
“Back to the enema, we watch Chloe take a full bag of water, and now she’s positioned over the bath… I’m cringing back from the screen. This is like the proverbial train smash, I can’t look away… Oh man, they faded it out!”
“Fuck, these two guys are feeling her calf like she’s a piece of meat… godammit!!!”
“Chloe winks her bumhole, that’s pretty funny.”
“Blowjob… Slurpy, boring. Damn, that’s some ugly wallpaper in the bathroom. I must be getting bored….”
“Well shit, there was pussy licking and we got the final 1 second of it. Fuck you, Buttman.”
“She had shoes off for the enema but put them on for the sex. Sigh.”
“Chloe goes crosseyed when she cums. And now she’s got rugburn on her bum.”
“OK, now I think we’re up to four orgasms, maybe five. I don’t know how she does it, kneeling on a bathtub like that, still wearing her shoes. Porn stars are freaks, that’s all there is to it. And it’s like Chloe is something from outerspace, the perfect male fantasy, a woman who comes purely from penetration without clitoral stimulation, multiple times, loudly and the harder you pound her, the better. I just feel like I’m watching a circus act. If you’re a woman who needs to feel empathy with the women in the porn film, this may not be the film for you.”
“He fell out… while she was having an orgasm.”
“First time anal story. Pain, no lube… but the fucking camera is up her skirt. There’s a girl girl scene emerging, but the camera work is awful. More intervention by him. Fuck he’s annoying. He’s like a slavering 15 year old, let loose amongst the grownups. Now he’s looking up her fucking skirt. And now he’s filming up Tristan’s skirt… I don’t know why she hasn’t slapped him already.”
“None of these women have real bum cheeks… their legs go all the way up to the small of their back.”
I’ll post more of my mid-viewing comments in part 2.
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