I got an email from a reader asking advice. Since he told me I could post my response in his blog, I thought I’d answer and whack the whole lot up here for your voyeuristic gratification.
Please note: I’m not a sex therapist, so don’t even think about pretending this is professional advice. And names have been withheld to protect the guilty.
Dear Ms Naughty,
I’ve been reading your blog in recent times, and couldn’t help but ask for help. I’m gonna be visiting my girlfriend soon, she lives out of the country.
I’m interested in getting her into the porn advocated by you. She’s been recently showing more interest in dirty stuff I read to her over the phone, but she gets put off when I started describing, you know for example the male organ.
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I’m not particularly endowed, but I think I’m good enough, and she feels so too.
These days when I read her the male organ descriptions, she seems to like it, you know the standard, large, thick, etc. but doesn’t show too much interest after a couple of seconds, do you think I could subject her to some porn, maybe some Candice Royalle?
So, I was basically looking for your response to make her more adjusted to looking at, admiring penises, large or small, though the latter seems less interesting to her in general.
And as a side note, also how you feel about appreciating other men’s endowments, and do you compare? Does it give you thrills to do so?
It’d be great if you could post your response on the blog!
My response:
Dear Mr Name Protected To Protect The Guilty,
Here’s the thing – only your girlfriend can decide if she’s interested in porn or not. It doesn’t matter if it’s romantic-style women’s erotica or the filthiest men’s hardcore, if she’s not keen on porn, that’s her choice and there’s not much you can do about it. Of course, you can make her aware of what’s out there and try to introduce porn as part of the lovemaking process. By all means, suggest a Candida Royalle film. Just remember that if it’s not her thing, that’s her prerogative. Everyone has different tastes so make sure you take hers into account.
I get the feeling you want your girlfriend to become turned on by dicks, and you’re worried because she’s not having multiple orgasms at the mere mention of a penis. It may be that she likes dicks, but a dick alone is not enough to set off the sexual fireworks. Maybe her buttons are pushed by other things. I have no idea what they could be and the only way you’ll find out is if you ask her.
You also say you want your girlfriend to become more adjusted to looking at and admiring penises. I’m picking up hints of concern about size here, although I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You say she feels your penis is good enough, so that sounds like a ringing endorsement to me.
As for “getting used” to looking at dicks, I don’t think porn is a good place to start. Porn often deals in stereotypes, and one of those stereotypes is that all guys have a huge penis (and that a big dick is the only thing that can give a girl an orgasm). Using porn as sex education or thinking that it reflects reality is always a recipe for disaster. You’d be better off checking out Betty Dodson’s genital art gallery for a more inclusive look at cocks. Indeed, I recommend you visit her whole site and maybe email her with any other questions you have. She’s more qualified than I am to talk about this stuff.
As for me… I’ve been looking at dicks for five years as part of my work. They don’t turn me on. They’re all interesting and different, but in the end they’re just dicks.
Now, the dick attached to the man I love… well, that’s a whole other matter.