Every now and again I search Google news for the term “porn for women” just in case someone has mentioned women’s erotica in the news. It’s popping up rather heavily at the moment but, unfortunately, the subject isn’t about porn.
The cause of all the fuss is that damn Porn For Women book which features clothed men doing housework, combined with captions like “That’s OK honey, I’ll do the dishes.” As I mentioned in this post, it’s become a bestseller, with sales heading for 150,000 copies. The authors have naturally gone into sequel overdrive, producing Porn For New Moms, a 2009 calendar and a book of postcards.
Photos from the first book have apparently been doing the rounds via email, with women cheerily forwarding it on to each other.
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The book was a target of feminist criticism by some who said that it recycled stereotypes about women’s sexuality. They did have a point; the book plays on the assumption that women wouldn’t ordinarily be interested or turned on by porn and that all women are obsessed with housework. This is not something that I, as a champion of women’s erotica, welcomed.
Given the book’s popularity, it seems that most women are willing to just enjoy the joke. They find the whole concept very amusing and are happy to share a laugh about it with each other. There’s no concern about the deeper feminist implications.
What it has done, however, is inspire the media to bring up the issue of gender inequality when it comes to housework. Women still do the majority of chores and childminding within the home, even if guys are starting to do their share.
This piece in The Times Online was typical of the sort of articles that have begun to appear on the topic. It quotes an older US study which found that men who do housework are more likely to “get lucky.”
“Equitable sharing of housework is associated with higher levels of marital satisfaction – and sometimes more sex too,” said Joshua Coleman, a psychologist and a senior Fellow at the Council on Contemporary Families, which commissioned the report. “Wives report greater feelings of sexual interest and affection for husbands who participate in housework.”
The term “choreplay” has also found a lot of favour amongst writers. According to the AJC it was coined by Parenting Magazine as a way to describe guys doing housework.
That article does make an excellent point.
But choreplay can also backfire if the deeds are calculated moves to get lucky. Many women are secretly resentful of the prospect of their husband pitching in around the house expecting something in return.
“If that’s the case, he’d be better off with roses,” said Jen Singer, editor of MommaSaid.net. “They act like there should be a parade down Broadway for making the bed. I hear from moms, ‘Of course you should help, it’s your underpants on the floor.'”
So while it’s good that the media is raising awareness about gender equity in the home, the focus on sex isn’t necessarily welcome.
Housework shouldn’t be a bribe for sex. Sex shouldn’t be “payment” for housework. A guy should do housework because it needs to be done. A woman should have sex because she wants to. End of story, thank you very much.
But I guess it will be a long time before that makes headlines.