If Porn Was Really As Bad As They Say…

Delightful columnist Emma Tom had a bit of fun with this column, inspired by the recently released Porn Report. She takes the idea that all porn is always addictive to its logical conclusion.

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Unfortunately your frigid female boss (who’s probably a lezzo and not the good kind, either) lacks a sense of humour. You lose your job, then lose all your money downloading pony porn and snuff flicks from the net.

Next thing you know, you’re jiggling alone in soiled raincoats in sticky adult cinemas and dying in a violent tussle with other addicts over a lingerie supplement from the Sunday papers, the porn equivalent of methylated spirits. “I can give up any time,” are your pathetic, final words …

Phew. Now we’ve got the mindless hysteria out of the way, how about a porn reality check?

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