I’m now going to try and learn French in six weeks. How do you say “Sacre Bleu, tres idiot!”?
I’m your typical monolinguistic Australian and it’s a bit embarrassing really. We didn’t have any kind of language classes at my small country school; indeed, I was of the generation that didn’t receive any real lessons in grammar because it wasn’t considered necessary*. So now’s my chance jump in and make an effort to speak another language.
One of the more amusing things about my Lonely Planet French Phrasebook is it’s page dealing with sex. It has a certain logical progression that is extremely amusing.
I want to make love to you: Je veux faire l’amour avec toi
Lets use (a condom): On va utilise (un preservatif)
I think we should stop now: Il faut arreter maintenant.
Let’s go to bed: On va se coucher.
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Kiss me: Embrasse-moi.
I want you: Je te veux.
Do you like this?:Ca te plait?
I like that: J’aime ca.
I don’t like that: Je n’aime pas ca.
Stop!: Arrete!
Don’t stop!: N’arrete pas!
faster: plus vite
harder: plus forte
slower: plus doucement
softer: moins fort
Oh yeah!: Couette alors!
That’s great!: C’est sensationnel.
I’m coming!: Je viens!
Easy Tiger!: Vas-y mollo!
Don’t worry, I’ll do it myself: T’inquiete pas, je fais ca tout seul.
That was…: C’etait…
great: excellent.
amazing: super.
weird: bizarre.
This is a page I’m just going to have to memorise for the complete experience when I’m in Paris.
One of the hardest things I’ve found when perusing the French phrasebook is that I start singing Ca Plane Pour Moi by Plastic Bertrand (and if you don’t know this song, your life is not yet fulfilled). The translation of the lyrics reveal that “s’envoyer” is French slang for fucking.
See, you learn something everyday.
Addendum: Did you know that in France, HIV and AIDS are known as VIH and SIDA?
Addendum 2: A recent survey reveals that French women are increasingly sexually assertive, although unfortunately the headline writer chose to portray that as “French women are sexual predators.”
Pic is from here.
* Grammar pedants are bound to find something wrong with the above paragraph, I’m sure of it.