I was honoured to be asked to take part in Rachel Kramer Bussel’s kinky virtual book tour for her two erotic anthologies She’s On Top and He’s On Top. When asked which book I’d prefer, I went with the latter, perhaps because – vanilla chick that I am – I’m really a sub at heart. It seemed like He’s On Top would make for sexier reading.
One thing I did consider when choosing the book about male dominance was whether that suited my position as a feminist and maker of women’s porn. Shouldn’t I be revelling in stories of female domination, where women have the power and call the shots? Surely it would be better to review the book about hot femmes who demand satisfaction from their subservient men? Because isn’t that what I’m about when it comes to porn? Women on top?
Well, no, not really. Putting aside the issue that erotic power play isn’t necessarily a reflection of real sexual politics, I actually think that He’s On Top got my vote because – in the end – the submissive woman’s orgasm becomes a focus. And female pleasure has always been the top priority for me when it comes to defining porn for women.
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He’s On Top features a wide variety of stories involving BDSM and games involving sexual power. The men always have control and they all take great pleasure in wielding that control. At the same time, though, their attention is on their female partners. They are acutely aware of how much pleasure and pain the woman is experiencing. Her orgasm is a focal point, and often, a necessity. Even if she is just a tool for the man’s pleasure, she is still consenting and thoroughly enjoying herself.
And I suspect I’ve been in the porn industry so long that I need to feel that the woman is enjoying herself to appreciate it as sexy. Otherwise all I see is the same ‘ol, same ‘ol.
Reading the book today, curled up in bed with an enormous hangover from last night’s bottle of champagne, I also found myself musing about the issue of erotic power play within porn. Because the thing is, there’s heaps of “femdom” sites, but I can’t think of the term used to describe the reverse situation, where the guys are in control – where he’s on top. Sure, those sites exist, but the fact that there’s no official term for them is almost like they’re considered to be the norm, and femdom is “the other.”
Add to that the increasing tendency for hardcore (non BDSM/leather/latex/fetish) porn to include power play elements, like gagging, slapping or choking. These “rough sex” acts are almost invariably performed upon the woman by the man. If she gives anything back, that’s femdom.
So there’s the implication that male dominance is standard. And what’s missing from the mainstream porn portrayal of dominance is the focus on female pleasure, and the care and protection the male dom should be giving to his submissive partner.
The beauty of erotic fiction is, of course, the ability to portray the relationships between people and thus enrich the sexual experience far beyond the mere mechanical act of cock-in-pussy. No doubt it’s difficult to capture the subtleties involved with such a blunt tool as a camera.
In any case, He’s On Top offers a thrilling glimpse into the special kinds of relationships involved in dominance and submission… and it is pretty fucking hot to boot.
And yes, the women come. A lot.
By the way, I should point out that what I’ve just written is the passing opinion of someone who isn’t involved in the BDSM scene. It may be that my interpretations of erotic power play are somewhat askew due to a lack of intimate knowledge. Perhaps I’ve applied a broad, Dworkinite feminist brush to the gender roles involved, although I seriously hope not. I appreciate that male-female sub/dom sex is not an “us versus them” battle played out in minature. It is what it is; an intense experience between two people, exploring the sensuality inherent in giving up power or taking control. If I’ve offended or erred. I’m sorry.
My review of He’s On Top will appear at For The Girls this month.