My Vanilla Inferiority Complex

Tony Comstock has made an interesting post about “porn for beginners” and quoted bits from this post of mine. He’s agreeing with the idea that people who enjoy “soft” porn shouldn’t be considered as less advanced in their sexuality as those who are more into harder and extreme stuff.

I feel the need to elaborate a little more on the topic, with regards to how I personally feel.

The thing is, I’ve got this slight inferority complex about the fact that I’m a relatively boring, monogomous married woman with fairly simple, vanilla tastes. I don’t read romance novels but I’m a bit of a sucker for that old-fashioned idea of romance. I know my feminist theory but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying the odd romantic stereotype every now and then. Yes, I’m partial to a bit of gay porn, a bit of bi porn, a bit of anal porn, but I also quite like to see simple hetero couples getting it on.

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I don’t have any piercings. I don’t swing. I don’t have one night stands so I don’t blog about them afterwards. I don’t have a webcam and, trust me, you don’t want to see photos. I don’t go to trendy nightclubs and, because I don’t live in the city, I don’t have access to sexually themed events or discussion networks beyond those I find online.

So, sometimes I feel that I’m out of the loop a little, or that I’m not cool enough to be involved in the porn industry. I nurse a little inferority complex about where I fit in. I’m not mainstream and I’m not “alternative” either. I’m just a chick at home with her computer, wearing very unfashionable clothes.

But then I give it a bit more thought, and I remember that my experience and viewpoint is just as valid as that Suicide Girl over there. And what’s more, there’s probably a heap of women out there who are a little bit like me. Maybe married. Maybe a little older. Maybe vanilla. Maybe shy.

My sites cater to those women’s tastes, and it’s my job to stand up for them. Because, even in the burgeoning world of non-mainstream internet porn, they’re still a minority. “Straight” porn is still about naked women and male fantasies, while gay porn is still only aimed at gay men. And I can’t help but think that “Alt” porn has come to mean young, single punks and goths (still mainly naked women), or the slightly exclusive underground world of fetish and BDSM. There still isn’t much space for, or acknowledgement of Mrs Average Hetero Woman who wants to indulge her vanilla urges. She’s usually just dismissed off to the “couples” videos because they’re “great for introducing your girlfriend to porn.”

And that’s why, when I find myself thoroughly enjoying Candida Royalle’s films, I have a moment of concern. Because I’ve read what other people have said in reviews, and I’ve read the “great for beginners” comments, and it’s made me think that maybe I’m just not trying hard enough to be a good pornographer.

And that’s why I’m glad to read Tony’s comments. They make me feel that it’s OK to be who I am and to do what I do. Perhaps we all need a little reassurance sometimes.

Perhaps it’s time for me to raise my vanilla flag high…