{"id":880,"date":"2008-07-31T09:32:02","date_gmt":"2008-07-30T23:32:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.msnaughty.com\/blog\/?p=880"},"modified":"2008-07-31T09:32:02","modified_gmt":"2008-07-30T23:32:02","slug":"the-french-phrasebook-guide-to-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/2008\/07\/31\/the-french-phrasebook-guide-to-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"The French Phrasebook Guide To Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/blogpics\/toulouse_poster.jpg\" align=\"left\" alt=\"La Toilette, a painting by Toulouse Lautrec\" \/>I&#8217;m now going to try and learn French in six weeks. How do you say &#8220;Sacre Bleu, tres idiot!&#8221;?<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m your typical monolinguistic Australian and it&#8217;s a bit embarrassing really. We didn&#8217;t have any kind of language classes at my small country school; indeed, I was of the generation that didn&#8217;t receive any real lessons in grammar because it wasn&#8217;t considered necessary*. So now&#8217;s my chance jump in and make an effort to speak another language.<\/p>\n<p>One of the more amusing things about my <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&#038;location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FFrench-Lonely-Phrasebook-Michael-Janes%2Fdp%2F1740599799%3Fie%3DUTF8%26s%3Dbooks%26qid%3D1217418793%26sr%3D8-1&#038;tag=streitseemlikeag&#038;linkCode=ur2&#038;camp=1789&#038;creative=9325\">Lonely Planet French Phrasebook<\/a> is it&#8217;s page dealing with sex. It has a certain logical progression that is extremely amusing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I want to make love to you<\/strong>: Je veux faire l&#8217;amour avec toi<br \/>\n<strong>Lets use (a condom)<\/strong>: On va utilise (un preservatif)<br \/>\n<strong>I think we should stop now<\/strong>: Il faut arreter maintenant.<br \/>\n<strong>Let&#8217;s go to bed<\/strong>: On va se coucher.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kiss me<\/strong>: Embrasse-moi.<br \/>\n<strong>I want you<\/strong>: Je te veux.<br \/>\n<strong>Do you like this?<\/strong>:Ca te plait?<br \/>\n<strong>I like that<\/strong>: J&#8217;aime ca.<br \/>\n<strong>I don&#8217;t like that<\/strong>: Je n&#8217;aime pas ca.<br \/>\n<strong>Stop!<\/strong>: Arrete!<br \/>\n<strong>Don&#8217;t stop!<\/strong>: N&#8217;arrete pas!<\/p>\n<p><strong>faster<\/strong>: plus vite<br \/>\n<strong>harder<\/strong>: plus forte<br \/>\n<strong>slower<\/strong>: plus doucement<br \/>\n<strong>softer<\/strong>: moins fort<\/p>\n<p><strong>Oh yeah!<\/strong>: Couette alors!<br \/>\n<strong>That&#8217;s great!<\/strong>: C&#8217;est sensationnel.<br \/>\n<strong>I&#8217;m coming!<\/strong>: Je viens!<br \/>\n<strong>Easy Tiger!<\/strong>: Vas-y mollo!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Don&#8217;t worry, I&#8217;ll do it myself<\/strong>: T&#8217;inquiete pas, je fais ca tout seul.<\/p>\n<p><strong>That was<\/strong>&#8230;: C&#8217;etait&#8230;<br \/>\n<strong>great<\/strong>: excellent.<br \/>\n<strong>amazing<\/strong>: super.<br \/>\n<strong>weird<\/strong>: bizarre.<\/p>\n<p>This is a page I&#8217;m just going to have to memorise for the <em>complete <\/em>experience when I&#8217;m in Paris.<\/p>\n<p>One of the hardest things I&#8217;ve found when perusing the French phrasebook is that I start singing <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=bVDfmn_TMkI\"><em>Ca Plane Pour Moi<\/em><\/a> by Plastic Bertrand (and if you don&#8217;t know this song, your life is not yet fulfilled). The <a href=\"http:\/\/www.david.gibbs.co.uk\/plastic\/plastic_lyrics.htm\" target=\"blank\">translation of the lyrics<\/a> reveal that &#8220;s&#8217;envoyer&#8221; is French slang for fucking.<\/p>\n<p>See, you learn something everyday.<\/p>\n<p>Addendum: Did you know that in France, HIV and AIDS are known as VIH and SIDA?<\/p>\n<p>Addendum 2: A <a href=\"http:\/\/www.telegraph.co.uk\/news\/worldnews\/1581043\/French-women-%27are-the-sexual-predators-now%27.html\" target=\"blank\">recent survey<\/a> reveals that French women are increasingly sexually assertive, although unfortunately the headline writer chose to portray that as &#8220;French women are sexual predators.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Pic is from <a href=\"http:\/\/www.poster.net\/toulouse-lautrec-henri\/toulouse-lautrec-henri-la-toilette-3100047.jpg\" target=\"blank\">here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>* Grammar pedants are bound to find something wrong with the above paragraph, I&#8217;m sure of it.<\/p>\n<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on the_content --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on the_content -->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m now going to try and learn French in six weeks. How do you say &#8220;Sacre Bleu, tres idiot!&#8221;? I&#8217;m your typical monolinguistic Australian and it&#8217;s a bit embarrassing really. We didn&#8217;t have any kind of language classes at my small country school; indeed, I was of the generation that didn&#8217;t receive any real lessons in grammar because it wasn&#8217;t considered necessary*. So now&#8217;s my chance jump in and make <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/2008\/07\/31\/the-french-phrasebook-guide-to-sex\/\">Read More &#8230;<\/a><!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18,19],"tags":[351,461,704],"class_list":["post-880","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-quirky-weird-funny","category-ramblings","tag-french","tag-language","tag-sex"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/880","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=880"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/880\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=880"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=880"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=880"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}