The other day I saw an ad for a porn site that I found rather disturbing. It was a looped flash video ad that featured a couple having very rough sex. The woman was “fish hooked” (had a finger in her mouth, dragging her head back at a painful angle), a penis was rubbed roughly on her face, she was choked and slapped. She also didn’t seem to be enjoying herself much; her face was red and she was crying.<\/p>\n
I didn’t want to see that. Firstly, I’m not into rough sex. Also I also had no idea of the context of that sex scene. Was it consensual? Did she sign up for that? Did she enjoy it?<\/p>\n
The porn company that made the ad obviously thinks this will entice viewers to sign up, either out of curiosity or genuine desire. I’ve seen other rough ones like it, including one where it was a woman administering the rough sex to another women. I don’t promote that company, by the way, or any porn site that includes that kind of content.<\/p>\n
This is the exactly the kind of extreme porn that Gail Dines discusses in her book Pornland<\/em>. She says that almost all porn is like this and that it is having a negative effect on men’s sexuality.<\/p>\n The thing is, while there are plenty of problems with Dines’ generalisations and theory, I don’t want to dismiss her concerns with this kind of content. It seems reasonable to be asking questions about bad porn and extreme porn. We should be talking about what it means and how it effects us. I know that my initial reaction to that ad was pretty visceral. I can imagine that a lot of people might find it very disturbing or problematic.<\/p>\n I’ve seen my fair share of what I consider to be bad porn. Stuff that is overtly sexist and cruel, porn that appeals more to negative emotions and hatred than actual sexual desire (take for example the “ex-girlfriend” style sites. Or the ones where the scenarios are primarily about tricking someone into sex and not paying them). There’s porn out there that doesn’t look <\/em>like it was consensual or ethically created. My stance has always been that I don’t like it and I won’t promote it – but I would never agree with it being censored. I’ve also had numerous online discussions with other adult webmasters about whether sites stepped over the line or not.<\/p>\n A few years back a company produced a website called “Sleep Assault.” The premise was that is showed night-vision movies of guys sneaking in and having sex with sleeping women – either strangers or friends\/wives. A big argument about it started up on a webmaster board. The owners said it was merely a fantasy site and that, naturally, all the situations were staged. Others said that it was too close to a rape site and that the language was too negative. There was much discussion over whether the site was encouraging sexual assault or was just an outlet for fantasy. In the end the owners changed the wording of the tour to better emphasise that it was a fantasy and we all went our separate ways.<\/p>\n Extreme porn like this isn’t new although perhaps it’s now more widespread than before (this somewhat problematic research<\/a> seems to suggest it). This is part of the overall one-upmanship occurring in the porn industry over the last decade, the desperate scramble to attract attention through increasingly more over-the-top porn. It’s also the result of consumers demanding more extreme stuff; perhaps natural human curiosity combines with regular porn consumption to create an urge for “the hard stuff”.<\/p>\n Gail Dines is concerned that extreme porn is so ubiquitous than it’s now considered “normal” and that it teaches young men the wrong lessons about how to have sex and how to treat women. I think I share that concern; I hate the idea that a virgin might see that ad and think it’s how sex is “done” or get so used to it that any partner who isn’t into rough sex doesn’t stand a chance. I can imagine that a young woman might see those images of rough sex and feel alarmed at the idea of being on the receiving end of that. It’s pretty easy to spin out scenarios about how porn might negatively affect others.<\/p>\n So yes, I do share these concerns. Nonetheless, I try and think beyond the immediate worries that pop up and analyse if they’re legitimate. Right now, I have no idea if the anecdotal stories of ruined marriages, lost libidos and confused virgins are true. There’s still not a lot of reliable research on it – although it doesn’t take much effort to find unscientific or religious anti-porn studies on the web. But from what I’ve seen, there’s no real data to back up the concerns about harm. If this changes, I’ll change my mind.<\/p>\n What’s often common in discussions about extreme porn is the idea that the viewer doesn’t think critically about what they are seeing. It’s assumed the viewer just passively watches it and then unthinkingly apes the attitudes and behaviour on show. Naturally, the person who writes about porn doesn’t do that; the concern is only ever for other people<\/em>, the ignorant masses who dully consume or the innocent teenagers who accidentally encounter porn. <\/p>\n Is that what really happens? On my more misanthropic days (say, after reading the comments on Youtube), I suspect it does. But that’s just an opinion. The facts may show otherwise. Again, we need more research on this. I have found at least one study<\/a> that has found that people do interact with porn in a far more “literate and critical” way than is assumed. Obviously that’s not conclusive though I’m sure there are other similar studies.<\/p>\n Two key factors in approaching porn in a critical manner are an understanding the context combined with a reasonable knowledge about sex and sexuality. <\/p>\n When it comes to extreme porn, it really does help to know the context in which its presented. The sex acts themselves aren’t the issue. Plenty of people enjoy rough sex or BDSM or water bondage or whatever kink it is. There’s nothing wrong with that.<\/p>\n The problem occurs when no context for the extreme sex acts is provided – there’s no indication that it’s a fantasy, no way of knowing if the performers were willing participants or if they enjoyed themselves. This is bad porn. If you don’t know that rough sex (for example) is a kink performed consensually, you might form the wrong idea about what it all means and it may negatively affect your sexual attitudes. I recommend Charlie Glickman’s discussion of bad porn for a further elaboration on this point<\/a>.<\/p>\n I’ll say up front, I dislike extreme porn, particularly the nasty sexist hateful stuff. If a site is showing cruel-looking hate sex and presenting it as the ideal way to treat women, I obviously don’t want the viewer to agree with that on a philosophical level. I can’t help but feel that there IS something disturbing about the idea of people getting off on hateful, misogynistic or cruel stuff. I find it worrying that masturbating and sexual pleasure would be tied to such negativity.* <\/p>\n And yet the human mind is a crazy place and a fantasy is often just a fantasy. I don’t know what the people who watch that stuff are really thinking. I hope<\/em> it’s just a fantasy.<\/p>\n So yes, I worry about extreme porn. I worry about what bad porn says about attitudes to women and sex. There’s a lot of porn I find offputting and unsexy and generally problematic. In the end, though, I think the only logical stance to take with regards to it is to talk about it and to encourage people to think critically about it.<\/p>\n As usual, education is so important. The concerns about teens and extreme porn are quite reasonable. Teenagers don’t always have the basics in reading texts (in this case porn) and sex education is sadly lacking in some places (especially the US where the religious right is doing its best to keep them ignorant).<\/p>\n I think the days of being able to restrict access to porn are long gone – if it was ever successful in the first place. The only reasonable remedy to the possible problems caused by misreading porn are pre-emptive education. Honest discussion about porn’s place in society and encouraging critical thinking as to what it all means. Parents aren’t always the best people to do this because, frankly, talking about porn with teenagers is not fun.<\/p>\n In this, the internet is like beer (the solution to – and cause of – all of life’s problems). The net provides the opportunity for teens to talk to each other and easily find information about porn. Many sex education sites are doing their best to get the issue out in the open and discuss what it all means – Make Love Not Porn<\/a> and British site Bish Training<\/a> are good examples.<\/p>\n Meanwhile, the anti-porn crusade continues. I guess we should be grateful they’re out there because they encourage the discussion of topics like this. Unfortunately they also encourage a debate that becomes too simplistic and too unscientific, one influenced by negative assumptions about sexuality and religious agendas. They also encourage censorship, which is ultimately a non-solution.<\/p>\n Porn isn’t perfect; there’s a lot out there that we should be concerned about. Yet there’s also plenty that’s positive and meaningful and worth celebrating. In the end, the best thing we can do is to keep talking about it. Update 5th March<\/strong> I don’t think Batcheeba actually read the post, only my tweet, but I’m going to elaborate on this here.<\/p>\n I tried my best not to be judgmental about sex acts or sexual preferences in this post and I think Charlie Glickman’s post really spells out why it’s important not to approach extreme porn from that perspective.<\/p>\n Nonetheless I don’t think being sex positive and tolerant should mean that I blithely accept that all porn is fine. What I am worried about is the way some porn sites and movies deliberately tie cruelty and misogyny and hate into those sex acts. Not as part of the kink but as part of a general sexist philosophy; this kind of porn is speaking to anger and hatred and negativity, not desire or kink or preference.<\/p>\n And even then, I acknowledge that that negativity may just be someone’s fantasy. But damn… surely we should be able to ask: what the hell is going on if you need hatred to get off? And what happens if you think that hatred is par for the course?<\/p>\n Those questions and worries are shared by a lot of people. I don’t think it’s helpful to simply dismiss them as being “closed minded” or “judgmental” because all you do is turn it into a “them versus us” thing.<\/p>\n I wrote this post because I keep seeing the anti-porn people using extreme porn as a basis of their argument. And those of us who don’t agree with them often end up having to defend bad porn in order to maintain our own position. I don’t like that dichotomy. It’s not an honest presentation of the whole issue and it doesn’t go anywhere.<\/p>\n I don’t want to defend bad porn. I wanted to say that I understand why people get worried and concerned about extreme porn. And I wanted to say I think education is the answer to those concerns.<\/p>\n * Let me say again… I’m not talking about consensual bdsm or power play here.<\/p>\n Edit<\/strong>: Please read the comments below for more discussion about this issue. I am aware that the original post is a bit murky with definitions and could have been better written. I’ve opted to leave the post as it stands so that the comments make sense and also because it helps with the general discussion.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The other day I saw an ad for a porn site that I found rather disturbing. It was a looped flash video ad that featured a couple having very rough sex. 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\n—–<\/p>\n
\nI want to add something to this post following a reply tweet I received about it. Batcheeba wrote:” “worrying and disturbing” I’d say that is just a liberal way of judging ppl into stuff you’re not.”<\/p>\n