{"id":2109,"date":"2010-09-29T15:13:00","date_gmt":"2010-09-29T05:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.msnaughty.com\/blog\/?p=2109"},"modified":"2010-09-29T15:13:00","modified_gmt":"2010-09-29T05:13:00","slug":"dear-kinky-people-cut-vanilla-a-break-will-ya","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/29\/dear-kinky-people-cut-vanilla-a-break-will-ya\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear Kinky People: Cut Vanilla A Break, Will Ya?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Sex
\nThanks to Violet Blue<\/a>, I found myself perusing Franklin Veaux’s Human Sex Map<\/a>, a very clever visual representation of all the various kinks, fetishes and sexual practices that people enjoy. The map groups together sexual behaviours and depicts them as countries, or mountains, or islands. Thus the Land of D\/s includes the counties of Orgasm Denial and Old Leather.<\/p>\n

I found the map to be quite fascinating and marvelled at the many intersections of fetish. I was also impressed with the way Franklin had been so comprehensive in the coverage of the map. He’d also been careful not to make any judgement calls on the various fetishes and kinks.<\/p>\n

And then I scrolled down and discovered where he’d put vanilla sex. And then I got really, really angry.<\/p>\n

As you can see from the picture, Franklin has depicted the “land” of vanilla sex as repressed, mundane, frightened, walled in by religious shame and conformity. Oh, and right next to the phobias and acts of non-consent.<\/p>\n

Really, Franklin? Is that what you really think of people who don’t choose to partake in fetish and kink? Do you really hold such contempt for all those “ordinary” heterosexual couples who may be perfectly happy with monogamy or “simple” forms of sex?<\/p>\n

I found myself fuming at the unfairness of this depiction. Especially given the author’s determination to be non-judgemental about every other sexual practice. It seems to typify a certain attitude within the kink community that demands the spurning of “normal” sex to prove one’s credentials. It’s the same kind of attitude that prompted a gay couple to call me a “breeder” when I was cheering them on at the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. To be part of the group, you have to deride the “other.” In the case of kink, the “other” is vanilla sex.<\/p>\n

This attitude fails to acknowledge that plenty of people willingly choose and prefer vanilla sex. They may do so exclusively or they may also engage in other kinds of sex acts. No doubt plenty of kinky types enjoy a nice session of missionary position sex every now and again because, well, it’s just a nice way to have sex.<\/p>\n

And yes, I’m standing up for vanilla because I’m a straight married vanilla girl. And I’ve deliberately chosen this lifestyle because it suits me and because it’s part of my committment to my relationship. Not because I’m repressed or frightened or religious or boring.<\/p>\n

And dare I say it but repression, fear and religious upbringings may well surround every other fetish or choice of sexual practice as well.<\/p>\n

Kinky people have fought long and hard for respect and understanding. They demand we step away from stereotypes and assumptions about motivation. It would be nice if they returned the favour.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thanks to Violet Blue, I found myself perusing Franklin Veaux’s Human Sex Map, a very clever visual representation of all the various kinks, fetishes and sexual practices that people enjoy. The map groups together sexual behaviours and depicts them as countries, or mountains, or islands. Thus the Land of D\/s includes the counties of Orgasm Denial and Old Leather. I found the map to be quite fascinating and marvelled at Read More …<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2109","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ramblings"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2109","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2109"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2109\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2109"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2109"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2109"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}