{"id":209,"date":"2006-11-02T16:06:10","date_gmt":"2006-11-02T06:06:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.msnaughty.com\/blog\/2006\/11\/02\/pirates-review-notes\/"},"modified":"2006-11-02T16:06:10","modified_gmt":"2006-11-02T06:06:10","slug":"pirates-review-notes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/2006\/11\/02\/pirates-review-notes\/","title":{"rendered":"Pirates Review Notes"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Pirates\"This month I reviewed the mega-budget mainstream porn movie Pirates<\/a>. I figured that since it’s the most expensive porn movie ever, and since reviewers were saying women would like it, I’d give it a try.<\/p>\n

It wasn’t bad, I guess, but the sex is extraordinarily formulaic. Actually, this is the first movie where I fast forwarded the sex scenes so I could get to the plot.<\/p>\n

It was all worth it for Evan Stone’s hammy acting and very amusing one liners.<\/p>\n

Full review is at For The Girls.<\/p>\n

Here’s some of the notes I wrote while watching it:<\/p>\n

“This chick has the monster boob job from hell. She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been kidnapped by pirates who have inserted basketballs into her chest. It is SOOO not 17th century. Ditto with her hair and brazilian wax job.”<\/p>\n

“The pirate captain has been practicing his gravelly voice, nice use of mascara, pity about the acting skills.”<\/p>\n

“This chick has an even worse boob job than the other one, and her lips have been inflated with a tyre pump.”<\/p>\n

“First mate Jules follows the pirates to the church, they torture the priest, the Indian stabs the captive, we see the mysterious pirate map, Janine repents her evil ways, then Isabel is captured, forced into a very silly lesbian scene that has lots of silly finger sucking and that stupid humping thing that never makes any sense. Hmm. Complicated plot.”<\/p>\n

“I wonder if those extras were paid to say ‘AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH’ of if they just brought guys in off the street?”<\/p>\n

“Sex scene while the building is burning down, I’m surprised she can concentrate.”<\/p>\n

“Meanwhile, Captain Stabbin or whatever his name is and Janine get it on. This could be THE most frustrating sex scene of the film because it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s her asserting her power, demanding ‘Lick it’ \u00e2\u20ac\u201c but then they have the same old clich\u00c3\u00a9d sex complete with facial. So, after he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s come on her face, she stands up, wields the knife and threatens him. Yeah, like you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re really in control.”<\/p>\n

“What’s with the spitting? Ew.”<\/p>\n

“And they sail off happily into the computer game sunset.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This month I reviewed the mega-budget mainstream porn movie Pirates. I figured that since it’s the most expensive porn movie ever, and since reviewers were saying women would like it, I’d give it a try. It wasn’t bad, I guess, but the sex is extraordinarily formulaic. Actually, this is the first movie where I fast forwarded the sex scenes so I could get to the plot. It was all worth Read More …<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-209","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-porn","category-review-notes"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=209"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=209"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=209"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/msnaughty.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=209"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}