On Friday SBS Australia screened a Channel 4 documentary called The Sex Blog Girls which originally aired in the UK in late 2007. The doco primarily looks at the story of The Girl With A One Track Mind, the sex blogger who was notoriously outed by the press in 2006 when her book was released.
I’ve long admired the Girl and have been the grateful recipient of a link from her blog for several years. It was nice to see her in person (on screen at least) and hear her views on the whole subject of sex blogging, even if the documentary itself went overboard with gratuitous tit shots (honestly, do people really believe we sit here and blog in the nude?? They haven’t seen my Grumpy Monkey pyjama pants).
The Girl herself had several gripes with the doco, especially with the way they portrayed her as being the first ever sex blogger.
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The whole thing had me musing about my role in the world of blogging about sex. I might write about sex but I’m not actually a “sex blogger” as such because I don’t write about my sex life. I thought I’d take a moment to explain why.
Working in the porn industry means you dwell on the outer fringes of society. There’s always a danger that the fundamentalist Christian next door could discover what you do and promptly report you to police as a pedophile (since they are usually unable to distinguish between normal porn and CP). It would only take one misplaced police raid to fuck up my entire life. Doesn’t matter that what I do is legal or positive or feminist.
This naturally engenders a certain desire for privacy. I use pseudonyms when necessary. My family and friends know what I do but the information is given out on a need-to-know basis.
So here I am working with porn images and movies and erotic fiction on a daily basis. It’s work. I have a real desire to keep my work and my private life a little bit separate, so I don’t really regularly discuss my own bedroom shenanigans, beyond a few vague mentions (or columns at For The Girls).
On top of that, I’m shy. No, don’t laugh. It takes a brave person to discuss the intimate, close-up, painful details of their sex lives for anyone to see and to be honest I just don’t have the guts to go there. My sex life is such a private thing, a thing shared between me and my husband and we just like to keep it that way.
It’s funny that when I tell people that I make porn they often get very personal and reveal things about their own porn preferences or sex lives to me. I might nod and understand, but I don’t reciprocate. I can dole out sex advice and discuss the ins and outs of BDSM or virginity statistics or anal sex without blinking… but I just don’t offer my own anecdotes. I just don’t feel entirely comfortable doing it.
Is this hypocrisy? I don’t know. I’d like to think it’s a matter of creating boundaries for myself. I’m sure that everyone who works in the sex/porn industry encounters this issue; when sex becomes a job, you have to decide where your lines are drawn and stick with them.
Perhaps it’s because my sex life isn’t worthy of headlines anyway. I’m a happily married woman in her 30s. I’ve been on the pill for almost 20 years and my libido has subsequently been nuked. There’s plenty more exciting things going on elsewhere on the net.
I sometimes wondered if I should just make stuff up for salacious fun, maybe to entice a few more readers. But then if I’m going to make stuff up I might as well just write a story for FTG and be done with it. (By the way… check out my story in Best Women’s Erotica 2009).
Nope, Ms Naughty is a blog about porn for women and feminism and news and censorship. It’s not really about my shagadelic adventures so I can’t call myself a sex blogger. If you want to read dirty stuff, check the links on the main page… or visit FTG.